49 Things to Keep in Mind When People are Being Mean to You
By Kate Ferguson
It’s rough when people are mean. Especially when it feels like a pattern and you’re like, huh. WTF did I do to deserve all this? Sometimes there are good reasons. Sometimes there are not. Either way, there’s really only one person in charge of your experience. (You.) Here are 49 things to keep in mind when people are being mean to you.
The people in your life should be happy about your successes.
If you tell someone that their behavior hurts you and they deny it or shame you, they’re probably going to do it again.
Bullies are often just pointing out your strengths.
They’re only trying to control you because they recognize your power.
You don’t have to wait for proof to walk away from an abuser.
If you start to feel like a worse version of yourself, there’s a reason. Figure out why.
If you were being unkind or fair, apologize.
You don’t need someone else to apologize to start your own healing process.
People don’t always know what you need unless you tell them.
One way to show people that they should be nice to you, is if you can learn how to be nice to you.
You don’t have to feel ashamed for what people have done to you, nor what you’ve let people do to you.
Just because someone crosses your boundaries, that doesn’t mean they’re attacking you personally. They probably try to cross everyone’s boundaries.
The longer you accept toxicity, the harder it is to get away from it and rewrite your boundaries. Do it now.
Emotions do not define you. They float through you at certain times to tell you things about your experience, not to tell you who you are.
Don’t blame yourself for the fact that someone hurt you. Do take responsibility for your part in the experience so you can avoid having it happen again.
If you’re scared to admit how someone is treating you, it’s a good sign that you should.
If you keep attracting different people who hurt you in the same ways, there is something unhealed in you.
Do not accept less than you deserve over being frightened to rock the boat.
Say what you need. You can be kind while still prioritizing your own well being.
Don’t gossip. If people are gossiping about you, it’s probably not your problem. If you have friends that like to tell you how much other people are gossiping about you, those probably aren’t your friends.
If people break your trust, you don’t have to trust them. Be nice anyway, because you’re nice.
You are entitled to set boundaries with your boss, family members, friends, and significant others.
Healing hurts. Not healing hurts way more.
Recognize that at some points in time, being victimized might have served you. Perhaps you chose to stay. That’s okay. Forgive yourself and change your mind.
Sometimes you have to take losses to make gains.
You get the chance to try again every single day.
Growth is rocky and painful and beautiful.
Your experience is probably not as unique as you think it is. Lots of people have peacefully survived a very similar thing. Use that as motivation when you really need it. If all those people got through it, so can you.
Know that it’s always possible relearn new, healthier habits. The neuroplasticity of the brain is always ready. You can always learn new ways to think.
You will never “arrive” somewhere else. This is your life right here, right now.
Do not seek revenge. Hurt people hurt people. They hurt you because they were in pain. But you are stronger than that.
People who try to sabotage you are not your people. Disengage from their games before it causes a bigger problem.
If you don’t feel strong enough to walk away from bad behavior for your own good, do it for everyone else in the world. When you protect bad behavior you support it. You don’t want to become a part of the bigger problem.
Everyone feels pain. Not everyone chooses to suffer.
Be humbled, not hardened.
Be grateful for those people who support and love you without conditions.
Just because someone doesn’t want to be with you, it doesn’t mean that that they don’t care about you.
Humans are complicated. The best way to reduce complication is to communicate.
Remember that the world is gigantic.
Stop hiding out.
Attention will not heal you. Only you can heal you.
You can ask for help.
Power and force are not the same thing.
Ownership is not love.
Control is not power.
Kindness is not weak.
Sensitivity is not shameful.
Honesty is f-ing courageous.
You are in charge of your experience.